Marital Problems

Overview | What to Look For | What to Do | What to Avoid
What to Expect | Troubleshooting

Separation and Divorce

Overview

What to Look For

   Marines and their family members who are going through a separation and divorce are experiencing a series of losses and often go through some of the same experiences and feelings as those grieving a death of a loved one. Leaders may observe the following signs of distress:

•  Denial. “This can't be happening to me and my family.”

• Financial difficulties.

• Fear of loss of children.

• Angry and short tempered with co-workers and peers.

• Deterioration in job performance.

• Difficulties in concentration.

• Emotional upheaval.

• Expressions of guilt, hopelessness, pessimism about the future.

• Signs of depression.

• Substance abuse.

What to Do

From a leadership perspective there are a number of actions to take:

• Be familiar with the impact conflicted and broken relationships, including divorce, can have on functioning and personal readiness.

• Share observations and concerns with the Marine and provide counseling options for assistance.

• Encourage subordinate leaders and peers to stay engaged and provide social support.

• Be alert to the possibility of increased risk for harm to self or others.

• Encourage talking with a chaplain or other trusted professional.

• Encourage Marine to get sound legal and financial advice and avoid an adversarial approach to spouse.

• Encourage the Marine parent to stay involved and connected with their children.

Other Sources of Support Include:

• Community-based support groups where personal difficulties can be shared with others experiencing similar problems can often be located in the local section of the town newspaper, through churches, or community centers.

• Rebuilding one's faith. Many churches, synagogues and other religious organizations are actively concerned for the needs of people in the divorce process. Learning to adjust to a crisis can be enhanced through a spiritual process.

• Social activities, sports, and academic endeavors provide opportunities for building new friendships.

What to Avoid

•  Minimizing concerns, avoiding talking about observations.

• Telling the Marine that they should get over it and move on without providing support to do so in a constructive way.

• Assuming Marine will know where and how to get help.

• Encouraging Marine to become adversarial with spouse or seek revenge.

• Overlooking indications that the Marine is becoming increasingly depressed.

• Disregarding comments or behaviors that the Marine may be harmful to self or others.

• Not allowing time or opportunity to talk with a chaplain or other professional when need is indicated.

What to Expect after Taking Action

• Grieving process takes time and support. 

• Marine may experience an emotional roller coaster at times as family routines and ties are disrupted and legal proceedings follow.

• Childcare and finances may be in flux and take time to reach new equilibrium.

• Work performance might fluctuate as separation and divorce proceeds.

Troubleshooting

• Be alert to the possibility of domestic violence, especially if there has been any abuse in the past. Victims of domestic abuse are at heightened risk for escalating violence when attempting to leave an abusive relationship. If concerns about violence exist, engage Family Advocacy as soon as possible.
• Relationship difficulties have also been strongly associated or linked to suicide. Secure immediate professional help or intervention if there is concern that the Marine is a danger to him/herself or others.
• Grieving involves powerful and unpredictable emotional reactions. Some Marines may attempt to deal with these emotions in counterproductive ways such as drinking, overspending, or engaging in high-risk behaviors. Intervening early before problems escalate is critical in helping the Marine develop more positive coping skills.